Thursday, August 19, 2010

A Refudiation of Reality

Folks, it's come to my attention that some (if not all) of your comments are no longer being displayed. I regret to inform you that they may, in fact, have been deleted. If so, let me offer my sincerest apologies. I have tried (repeatedly) to contact the proper Geeks, Nerds, and Dorks who are in charge of these technical matters but I have yet to hear back from any of them. I'm afraid that I can think of only one possible reason for their continued silence….

That, of course, is: World of Warcraft.

After a little digging, I found out that this cabal of creeps have a WoW guild by the name of "The Lords of Koblog" and for the past few days they have been locked in cyber-geek combat with a cackle of wild Dweebs who challenged them to a "Nerd Off" somewhere among the Plains of Perpetual Virginium.

That was a week ago.

Already, I am hearing second-hand reports of massive outages of Red Bull, Mountain Dew and Bawls.

Alas, my friends, this does not bode well for a quick resolution to our problem.

Let us hope that the combined caffeine and B.O. overload will soon bring a end to this madness and allows us to continue to push the boundaries of blogging history.

I have confidence that, in the end… we. shall. prevail!  (Damn, that's good! I need to remember to copyright that.)

In the meantime, however, I would like to address another issue that keeps popping up in the comments.

Some people have complained about the overuse of color on this blog. Indeed, some complainers/whiners/troublemakers have even gone so far as to call it (dare I say it?) "gaudy."

This is, quite clearly, a case of straight-up, naked racism. Pure and simple.

Boorish racism, at that.

The Lord, in His everlasting wisdom, did not create the world in just black & white. No, siree. He. did. not!

Thankfully, He created: COLOR!

And I ask you: Would a rose still smell as sweet if it was just black or white?
Okay, bad example. I think maybe there are black & white roses. Nix that question. Just forget I ever asked it. (Not sure how they smell, tho.)

[Hey, give me a break. I've been up all night trying to track Bawls shipments and haven't slept very much. So, cut me some slack, alright?]

But, how 'bout a tulip? Or a dandelion? Or a lily? Or a pretty chrysanthemum… um….

[Doggone it! How many freakin' white flower variants can there be in this godforsaken world, for God's sake?!?!]

Look. Let's just admit that *most* flowers have some color in them and that they tend to smell nice. Okay? Hmm? Are we agreed on that? Good.

Now … as such … isn't it better to have some pretty (and stupendously colorful!) flowers in this world rather than just boring old black & white ones? Yes?

Of course, it is!

Ergo, colorful, diversified (and most importantly!) non-racist text is far, FAR, better than the standard old black & white variety.

[See how logic works, kids? See who's the smart cookie in the cookie jar now? Although, truth be told, I'm not sure if it (the text, not the cookie) smells any better. Oh, well. I guess you can't have everything in this life.]

In any event, now that we've got that silly Typographic Bouquet thing settled once and for all, I'm forced to admit that my room sure could use some color in it. Although I definitely appreciate the padded walls, the all white motif is just too monotonous. Perhaps not quite racist, but I wouldn't want to invite Reverend Sharpton over for a visit without at least some nice throw pillows or throw rug. (Louis Farrakhan would absolutely be out of the question!)

So, if any of you have any good suggestions for a makeover, feel free to drop me a note. I would really appreciate any advice of a decorative nature. (Assuming, of course, that you're not one of those typographic racists. D'uh!)

Just keep in mind, tho, that it's very difficult for me to move my arms much in this really tight jacket that I'm forced to wear most of the time. Fortunately, I've gotten pretty good at typing with my toes but anything that involves a lot of painting could be a problem.

On that note, let's get to work, people, and... get our queer on!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

And So It Begins...

...and on the eighth day the Lord reached forth His hand and blessed His Creation with everlasting Love and Laughter...

I don't know what all the fuss was about. That apple sure was tasty! (Perhaps a bit tart, tho.) But definitely not worth causing a ruckus over.

Still, I do feel a little light-headed and a tad woozy. Maybe I should lie down for a while. Rest the ol' noggin, so to speak.

Naw. Too many things on my mind. Too many things I gotta do.

Starting with... how the heck am I going to explain its absence?

Hmm...let's see....

I know! If anyone asks about it, I'll just blame that stupid snake. He's always slithering around like he owns the place. What a jerk! He keeps going on, and on, about not needing legs like us poor "shamblers" do.


Everyone knows the Big Guy Upstairs had had it up to -here- with his duplicitous nature and had told him in no uncertain terms to: "Eat. Dirt." Ha! That showed him! Let's see him try and win the great G of E Potato Sack Race now! (Hehe! Loser!) No doubt Legless will find someone else to shift the blame to. Probably that woman. He's always had a thing for her, and never forgave her for rejecting him. But can anyone blame her? How creepy can one get to say stuff like, "I'd like to boldly slither where no snake has slithered before. How 'bout it, babe?" Ewww! Have some decency, man! My Lord! (Sorry, Boss.) Although, truth be told, she really should cover up some. (I mean, yikes! Imetay for a imtray, 'kay? Just sayin'.) Perhaps a nice fig leaf or two ... or three.  And now that I think about it, the greenery would go nice with her eyes...hmmm...I might be on to something here....